Anoraks Assemble

They say the geek shall inherit the Earth. I’m counting on it.

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Just a random woman who loves horror, sci-fi, and anything a bit weird.

  • Quatermass II (1957)

    Quatermass II is a 1957 Hammer sci-fi / horror which sees Brian Donlevy reprise his role as Professor Bernard Quatermass. Co-written by Nigel Kneale and Val Guest (who also directed), the story concerns an investigation into reports of hundreds of meteorites landing within a small area in the U.K.

    Quatermass finds a top-secret facility which, he is told, is being used to manufacture synthetic food. Of course this could not be further from the truth, and the professor and his allies must join forces to try and smash a conspiracy which appears to strike at the heart of the U.K. government.

    Quatermass II is a neat little conspiracy thriller which has a real sense of dread throughout its entire running time. It has quite an Invasion of the Body Snatchers vibe about it which, in my opinion, is no bad thing.

    The supporting cast here is very good, with the likes of Bryan Forbes and William Frankyln, and also Sid James who, at the time, was best known for playing tough guy roles, a million miles away from the career he eventually carved out in comedy.

    The real problem for me is Brian Donlevy as Quatermass. He is perfectly okay but I just do not find him terribly likeable. For me, Andrew Keir will always be the definitive Bernard Quatermass.

    Despite reservations about Donlevy, there is much to recommend about Quatermass II. The acting is good, it is never boring, and all in all, it is a highly entertaining conspiracy thriller.

    Definitely one to watch.

  • The Swarm (1978)

    The Swarm is a 1978 U.S. disaster / horror movie, directed by Irwin Allen, AKA The Disaster Master, and starring Michael Caine and a bunch of famous faces who really ought to have known better.

    Basically, a swarm of African killer bees are on the loose, taking out military helicopters, random picnicking families, and a whole train load of passengers. Thankfully, Dr. Michael Caine is on hand to offer assistance and help defeat the pesky critters, which he eventually does after nearly two hours of utter tripe. (Or if you are like me and accidentally end up watching the ‘director’s cut’, two hours and 25 minutes).

    The Swarm has all the usual cardboard cutout characters – Caine’s doctor who isn’t believed, Katharine Ross as his love interest, Richard Widmark as a shouty no-nonsense army man, and most bizzarely, old-timers Olivia de Havilland, Ben Johnson and Fred McMurray as a strange love triangle who appear to have wandered in from a completely different film.

    To be fair, a couple of the bee attack scenes are quite well done, especially when they attack the school and Olivia de Havilland’s Maureen looks on in horror at the dead bodies scattered across the schoolyard. The problem is, the rest of the film is so tedious, with terribly ripe dialogue (“Get inside, the killer bees are coming!”) that all we want to see is the next bee attack.

    The Swarm is a classic B-movie – see what I did there – with an A-list cast, and it stinks. It takes itself far too seriously and has little to no redeeming qualities. If you want to see the perfect example of how to do a B-movie, go watch Piranha, which came out the same year. It is everything The Swarm isn’t – fun, silly, with extremely likeable characters.

    And remember people – “The bees have broken inside!!”

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  • The Stone Tape (1972)

    The Stone Tape is a 1972 British horror drama, written by Nigel Kneale and directed by Peter Sasdy. It was first broadcast on U.K. TV on Christmas Day of that year.

    A team of researchers for an electronics company move into an old Victorian mansion. Amongst the team is Jill, a sensitive computer programmer, and Peter, the arrogant team leader with whom Jill is having a relationship.

    In one particular room, where the builders refused to work, Jill begins to have visions of a frightened young woman falling to her death. She and a reluctant Peter begin investigating and discover that a maid died there in 1890.

    Peter thinks Jill’s “vision” of the woman’s death was somehow recorded and preserved in the stone – the so-called ‘stone tape theory’. He sees this as potentially a new recording medium to be exploited, but his actions send the fragile Jill to the edge of madness.

    And beyond.

    I have said before that I think Nigel Kneale is an absolute genius, and The Stone Tape is one of my all-time favourites.

    It has a very nice, suitably creepy atmosphere, with an interesting mix of modern technology set against old-fashioned beliefs. The clever story is augmented well by a haunting and minimalist electronic score, which adds to the sense of things being just slightly “off”.

    The acting is good, especially Jane Asher as the fragile Jill. Michael Bryant is very shouty as Peter – perhaps too much – but I think it does help emphasise how utterly obnoxious he is. The supporting cast is good, with standout turns from Iain Cuthbertson and Michael Bates.

    There are a couple of cringy moments, with some casual racism now and then, and Peter’s treatment of Jill is toe-curlingly sexist.

    Overall though, this really is a superior 90 minute drama, and one of the greatest dramas ever to appear on the BBC.

  • Terror at London Bridge (1985)

    Terror at London Bridge is a 1985 TV movie about a series of murders in Arizona being attributed to Jack the Ripper.

    It stars David Hasselhoff – AKA The Hoff-Meister – as a troubled detective investigating a series of murders which are somehow connected to the relocated London Bridge.

    We start off in 1885 with Jack the Ripper being pursued across the bridge in London, before falling into the Thames, knocking a stone off the bridge in the process.

    Fast-forward to 1985 and the missing stone is rediscovered and added to the resurrected bridge which now sits in Arizona. Next thing we know, a random tourist cuts her finger and bleeds on the stone, which, of course, resurrects Jack the Ripper himself.

    Before we go any further, I have a public service announcement to make.

    In order to fully enjoy Terror at London Bridge I suggest the following three steps:

    Step 1 – Make sure you have plenty of alcohol within easy reach.

    Step 2 – Go in with low expectations.

    Step 3 – Repeat step 1.

    Into this madness steps The Hoff-Meister, the new cop in town, battling his own demons after mistakenly shooting a teenage boy in his previous posting.

    I really do not have the words to describe how awful this film is. Because it is made for TV, there is little blood and precious little scares. Indeed, the scariest thing we see is The Hoff-Meister’s chest hair, which makes frequent appearances.

    And the dialogue is beyond laughable. A woman has just found a dead body floating face down in the water, yet Detective Hoff-Meister feels the need to ask her, “Are you sure you’re okay? You seem pretty shaken.”

    Well of course she’s ‘shaken’. She’s just found the dead body of someone who was slain by Jack the Ripper.

    Incidentally, I am not sure how Detective Hoff-Meister realises that Jack is back. I may have nodded off briefly at this point.

    The film is rubbish, utter rubbish, but I am a firm believer that you have to watch the bad to appreciate the good.

    And believe me, Terror at London Bridge certainly qualifies as ‘bad’!

  • The Vampire Lovers (1970)

    The Vampire Lovers is a 1970 Gothic horror film, written by Tudor Gates and directed by Roy Ward Baker.

    It is the first in the so-called “Karnstein Trilogy”, and stars Ingrid Pitt, Kate O’Mara and Peter Cushing.

    Oh Lordy, where do I start?

    Basically, Ingrid Pitt plays a vampire who tries to seduce every young woman she meets, leaving her victims suffering from strange nightmares, where they see themselves attacked by a giant cat, and also with puncture wounds on their breasts.

    And talking of breasts, well hello, but we are really kicking off the 1970s in style, with plenty of blood and boob shots. In fact, in terms of the blood, it is surprisingly gory, with a rather gruesome decapitation scene which I was not expecting.

    There is a lot of sexual content which, if nothing else, illustrates the relaxation in censorship rules and what was now deemed to be acceptable. And yes, the film clearly deals with lesbian themes, but not in a way that I, a woman, think is terribly positive. This is a film made by men, for men, a borderline porno with boob shots a plenty.

    If you want to see a horror film with a really interesting lesbian character, check out Claire Bloom as Theo in The Haunting.

    It is difficult to find many positives in The Vampire Lovers – I do not think I was the target audience – but Peter Cushing is in it, so it can’t all be terrible, can it?

    Well actually, I think it can. In fact, I would much rather go and watch Dracula AD 1972, and that is saying something!

  • The Unfolding (2016)

    The Unfolding is a 2016 horror film, written and directed by Eugene McGing

    With the world teetering on the brink of nuclear war, paranormal researcher Tam and his girlfriend Rose travel through the English countryside to investigate supposed ghostly goings-on in an old country house. On arrival, they are greeted by the current occupier who is packing up to leave, having been driven from the home by unexplained events.

    Tam and Rose decide to stay and, after a quiet start, things begin to escalate. They are joined by Tam’s friend Harvey, and eventually Professor Chessman and Muriel, a psychic, as they try and unlock the house’s terrible secrets.

    First things first. The Unfolding is clearly a very low-budget film. The audio is a bit unclear at times, although that could be down to the creative use of camcorders and security cameras, as well as traditional cameras for filming. It is sort of a found footage film but not exactly.

    On the positive side, it really has a wonderful atmosphere. The washed out colours give it a real downbeat vibe, and the incidental music is very evocative.

    After a slowish start there are a few creepy moments. Doors creak open, shadows appear on camera, and disembodied screams fill the house in the dead of night.

    At one point, Tam and Rose’s bedroom door is battered from the outside, as he valiantly tries to hold it shut. It is very reminiscent of a scene in The Haunting (my all-time favourite haunted house film).

    Acting wise, everybody plays their part well. Robert Daws would be the most recognisable face and he is very believable as the professor. Lachlan Niebor is also convincing as the increasingly obsessive Tam.

    Yes, it is low budget, and no, it won’t change the world in terms of horror films, but I would much rather watch a film like this than yet another entry into the insufferable Paranormal Activity series.

    Definitely worth a look.

  • Horror Express (1972)

    Horror Express is a 1972 sci-fi horror film directed by Eugenio Martín and starring horror legends Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee.

    Set in 1906, we meet Lee’s Alexander Saxton, an eminent anthropologist, returning to Europe via the Trans-Siberian Railway with the frozen remains of a humanoid discovered on one of his expeditions – potentially the Missing Link.

    Cushing is Dr. Wells, Saxton’s friendly rival, who is determined to discover what exactly the famous anthropologist is transporting in a mysterious crate. Before long, passengers and crew are being stalked by a mysterious alien creature which has the ability to inhabit the bodies of its human victims.

    Throw in a random Polish count and countess, a monk who acts as their spiritual adviser, and a bunch of terrified passengers, and the scene is set for a fun 90 minutes.

    And if that wasn’t enough, Telly Savalas turns up near the end as a Cossack captain.

    Films set on board trains always have a nice sense of claustrophobia and atmosphere, and this one is no exception.

    Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing have never been better as the bickering rivals, so much so that it is my favourite Lee / Cushing movie.

    The makeup and effects work well. The white eyeballs and blood streaks on the face of the victims is nicely done. Talking of eyeballs, there are a few suitably bloody moments – say no more!

    It is not particularly frightening although there is a moment near the end when the dead all begin to rise up, zombie like, and I found that moment particularly chilling and highly effective.

    This is such a fun film which I could watch again and again.

    Highly recommended!

  • Killdozer (1974)

    Killdozer is a 1974 made-for-TV sci-fi / horror film, directed by Jerry London. It was adapted from Theodore Sturgeon’s 1944 novella of the same name.

    A meteorite crash lands on a remote island off the coast of Africa. It contains an alien entity which takes over a large bulldozer and goes on a killing spree.

    Just in case you think you may have misread that, let me reiterate. An alien entity takes over a bulldozer and goes on a killing spree.

    We start off with a bunch of construction workers who discover the mysterious meteorite. One worker gets a bit too close, is badly injured, and dies soon after. (Robert Urich, who has the good sense to get himself killed off quickly).

    There then follows a series of set-pieces where the pesky, possessed digger handily destroys the workers’ radio, their entire camp, and, in one unintentionally hilarious moment, it chases (I mean, lumbers) after a worker into bushland before crushing him to death.

    All the while, the other men stand around looking very serious, and not one bothers asking, “What the actual **** is going on here?”

    Obviously, being a made-for-TV movie, there is no blood, but, to be fair, there is absolutely no tension, humour, excitement or interesting characters. It’s just sort of, meh, dull, bland, it starts and then it finishes. I do wonder who on earth thought this was a good idea.

    Acting wise, Clint Walker is fine as the square-jawed hero, although there is a bizarre moment when he stands in front of the bulldozer shouting, “Come and get me!”

    I mean, we’ve all had days like that, haven’t we?

  • Sapphire and Steel (1979-1982)

    Sapphire and Steel was a British supernatural / fantasy TV series which was broadcast on ITV between 1979 and 1982.

    There were 34 episodes in total, divided into six separate stories, or “Assignments”.

    The focus of the programme was on Sapphire (played by Joanna Lumley), and Steel (played by David McCallum), a pair of ‘operatives’ whose job it was to guard time. This explanation may sound a little vague but it keeps in with the whole vibe of the show. Sapphire and Steel was utterly baffling at the best of times, and tended to leave more questions than answers. It was also eerie, atmospheric and highly original.

    I watched this between the ages of six and nine, didn’t really understand what was going on, but was hooked all the same.

    Our heroes were also assisted by other characters, including Lead, and most notably Silver (played by the fabulous David Collings).

    If you speak to anyone who is a fan of the show, inevitably they will talk about the ‘haunted railway station’ episode – Assignment 2.

    A parapsychologist – the quite wonderful Gerald James – investigates ghostly sighings at an abandoned railway station, and the scene is set for an extremely creepy tale involving dead soldiers, airmen, and a quite horrifying conclusion, as Steel shows his cold side. (Steel by name, Steel by nature).

    Yes, it is slow-moving, but the atmosphere is off the scale and it leaves us with a few disturbing moments. Apart from the finale of Assignment 2, the story of the faceless man and the lost girl in the photograph is difficult to forget (if you know, you know).

    Both Lumley and McCallum are utterly believable in their roles. I really did think that Sapphire could ‘take back time’. The series ended on a frustrating cliff-hanger and it seems as though there were no clear plans for a new series.

    Sapphire and Steel is the type of show which, sadly, we are unlikely to see again. I do not think modern audiences would commit to watching such a slow-moving, talky drama, which is a shame, because this is a superior piece of work and stands out as one of the most original dramas of the last 50 years or so.

  • The Quatermass Xperiment (1955)

    The Quatermass Xperiment is a 1955 Hammer film directed by Val Guest. It was based on the 1953 BBC serial of the same name.

    Three astronauts are sent into space in a rocket designed by Professor Quatermass. The rocket crash lands back on Earth, and only one astronaut – the unfortunate Victor Carroon – is still on board. Very quickly he begins mutating into an alien creature.

    As the authorities try to discover exactly what happened, the doomed Carroon escapes and it is left to Quatermass and Inspector Lomax to try and track him down.

    The Quatermass Xperiment was a huge success, and I can understand why. It taps into the 1950s post-war paranoia, atomic bombs and the like. Should we be messing with things we do not understand?

    Also, the make up on Victor Carroon is quite incredible. Even early on in the film he almost looks like a walking corpse. In fact, there is something quite Frankenstein’s monster about him after he escapes from the hospital. His lumbering, shambolic, confused demeanour is actually quite heartbreaking.

    There are a couple of memorable scenes, such as the horrific moment Quatermass and co watch the recovered footage of what exactly happened inside the doomed capsule. Also, the scene at the zoo when Carroon is nearby. The animals just know something is wrong.

    The casting is okay. Brian Donlevy is fine as Quatermass, but not terribly likeable, whilst the likes of Jack Warner and Lionel Jefferies offer good support.

    But this is Richard Wordsworth’s film as the tragic Carroon, and it is his performance which stays long in the memory